发表于:05-17 | 阅读:464次

小伙伴们大家好,欢迎来到本期的“国外也有段子手”!上周的欧洲赛场精彩看点层出不穷。欧冠赛场,阿贾克斯在伯纳乌大胜皇马,曼联逆转巴黎晋级,热刺战胜多特。周末联赛,阿森纳赢下了和曼联的焦点之战,曼城取胜继续领跑,切尔西取得平局,而利物浦、巴萨、皇马等球队则纷纷取胜。好了,话不多说,让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧!

主场被逆转,皇马1-4阿贾克斯

Skabeg(俄罗斯球迷):万万没想到,皇马竟然一周内在主场成了三冠亡…(Can’t believe Real Madrid is going to do reverse treble in a span of week at home.)

goko19 (未知主队球迷):巴萨一定是在伯纳乌施展了血魔法!(Barcelona did some blood magic and left Bernabeu.)

Brooklynn7(未知主队球迷):我能做证!那天我看见有条水蛭在咬梅西的大丁丁呢!(It’s true, I just saw a leech sucking Messi’s big dick.)

(注:此梗源自美剧《权力的游戏》)

afcaMouz(阿贾克斯球迷):现在德容还没在巴萨踢过一场比赛,就已经成为巴萨名宿啦!(At this point Frenkie will become a Barca legend without playing a single game.)

ShutupNdSquat(曼联球迷):尤文球迷们,快去看看你们的评论区是不是突然多了很多新球迷?(Juve fans, Check your teams subreddit for a sudden influx of new member.)

BESTNBAGOAT(AC米兰球迷):这一周对巴萨球迷来说,岂不是像看小h片一样爽…(This week must have been like porn for Barca fans.)

Hieillua(未知主队球迷):有人打算把这场比赛的录像上传到炮hub上吗?(Is anybody going to upload the full match to Po*nhub?)

Victoryboii(皇马球迷):已经迫不及待看下回合C罗上演帽子戏法带领皇马大逆转了!诶,等等…(Cant wait until Ronaldo scores a hat trick in the next round to save our ass for the umteenth time...... oh wait.)

Spaziorm(未知主队球迷):据说拉莫斯也在为下一回合留力呢!(It seems that Ramos also save his energy for the next round.)

Liberalindianguy(皇马球迷):拉莫斯恐怕是要错过下赛季欧联杯的首场比赛了…(Ramos gonna miss the first game of the Europa League.)

Sroismagoer(皇马球迷):会不会以后皇马再也打不进欧战,结果拉莫斯这禁赛就一直拖到退役了…(Scenes when Real never ever qualifies to an European cup again and Ramos never finishes his ban before retiring.)

TosspoTo(未知主队球迷):库尔图瓦就连一辆出租车都拦不下啊!(Courtois can’t even stop a taxi.)

tarakian-grunt(利物浦球迷):但库尔图瓦绝对是个很好的出租车司机,一次只能进来4个哦!(Like a good taxi driver, Courtois only let four in.)

anup2125(切尔西球迷):你怎么能指望一条没有手的蛇去守门呢?(How can a snake save anything without arms?)

(注:蛇在西方文化中隐含“叛徒”之意)

YerCatalanPadre(未知主队球迷):索拉里的老婆是不是和伊斯科出轨了?不然怎么解释伊斯科现在的处境…(Solari's wife must have cheated on Isco. No other explanation for his situation.)

suri_katka(未知主队球迷):据说现在皇马的头号目标就是利物浦的渣叔!(Real Madrid make Liverpool's Jurgen Klopp their No 1 target.)

vadapaav (利物浦球迷):啊?我寻思渣叔都这把年纪了,这腿脚恐怕不能踢90分钟球了吧?(Well, I don't think klopp can play full 90 mins of football at this age.)

拉什福德绝杀,曼联3-1巴黎

ar7_mufc(曼联球迷):博格巴上一场染红,就是为了洗牌留力给1/4决赛!拉莫斯可得学着点啊。(Pogba getting that red card to save himself for the quarterfinals. Take note, Ramos.)

cmf_ans(曼联球迷):这比赛看得我和我的狗都突发心脏病了,我死了不要紧,但快来人救救我的狗命啊!(MY DOG IS HAVING A HEART ATTACK WITH ME I DONT CARE IF I DIE HELP HER.)

EveryoneDoTheKlopp(利物浦球迷):索尔斯克亚是不是打算亲自上场绝杀了?不然为啥要穿个替补背心…(Is Ole thinking about subbing himself on for the final goal? I have no other explanation for the vest.)

redwan010(曼联球迷):边路有个葡萄牙小将,这场景好像有点熟悉…(A young portuguese on the wing where have I seen that before)

PranjalDwivedi(利物浦球迷):好矛盾啊,我很想看巴黎成为段子王,但又不想看曼联赢球…(So conflicted, I want PSG to become a meme team but then United winning after this performance would be a travesty.)

ShutupNdSquat(曼联球迷):索帅这步棋走得妙啊,我们根本就不用抢球,因为巴黎肯定会自己把球送到我们脚下的!(9d chess from Ole. We dont need the ball because PSG will eventually fuck up and gift us a goal. Its working!)

BigMik_PL(西班牙球迷):行吧,好在布冯还年轻,可以吸取教训再接再厉!(It's alright, Buffon is still young and will learn from this mistake.)

凯恩进球,热刺1-0多特蒙德

Plasda(热刺球迷):自从2011年后,热刺成了第一支再次杀进欧冠8强的北伦敦球队!(Tottenham are the first North London club to reach the last 8 of the CL since Tottenham in 2011.)

Esebenito(未知主队球迷):美国本打算花数十亿美元修建边境隔离墙,但现在发现只需要4亿就可以打包热刺的后防线!(America wants to spend billions on a wall when they can get the whole spurs backline for less than 400 million.)

Chazy89(多特球迷):热刺为什么会赢?就是因为他们知道得把球往球门里踢!(The secret Spurs won is that they knew they should shoot toward the net.)

CrayonFox(拜仁球迷):热刺的球门前是不是有一道隐形的墙?(Is there an invisible wall in front of the Tottenham goal line?

客场输球,阿森纳1-3雷恩

nightinthewoods(阿森纳球迷):是谁说大巴黎在法甲的对手都是菜鸡的…(Who said PSG wasn't facing big teams in Ligue 1.)

charlie161998(阿森纳球迷):人生总是如此痛苦么?还是只有你是阿森纳球迷的时候才这样?(Is life always this hard, or just is it when you are an arsenal fan?)

Matheuzinho37(罗马球迷):罗马球迷也这样。(Roma fans, too.)

ThePr1d3(雷恩球迷):如果你为阿森纳感到遗憾,那你一定是不知道我们雷恩在关键时刻就喜欢被逆转…(If you think this makes things difficult for Arsenal. You obviously don't know our ability to bottle it when it counts.)

Jonwinslol(曼联球迷):你是说雷恩就是法国的大巴黎咯?(are you implying you are the French PSG?)

kofimmra03(阿森纳球迷):在欧洲赛场被羞辱真是太丢脸了,但一想我好像已经习惯这种感觉了…(I'm so ashamed of being embarrassed in Europe but I'm so used to it.)

Idontlikethisstuff(阿森纳球迷):我们大英不都已经脱欧了吗?现在谁还在乎欧战啊! (Who cares about doing well in Europe? Brexit means Brexit.)

扎卡奥巴进球,阿森纳2-0曼联

DB_Cooper(丹佛竞技球迷):这转播角度,不会是把摄影机直接塞进德赫亚天灵盖里去了吧…(fu*k the angle, did they put a camera inside De Gea's skull?)

jabber-mint-noun(未知主队球迷):感觉就像是到了公元3000年,我们可以通过德赫亚的眼球来观看比赛!(Felt like it was the year 3000 when they went into De Gea's eyeballs for that play.)

HippoBigga(巴萨球迷):德赫亚一定以为现在自己是在西班牙国家队踢球吧…(De Gea must be thinking he's playing for the national team right now.)

Elemental05(曼城球迷):如果每次加里-内维尔提到巴黎我就小酌一杯,那估计15分钟我就直接喝挂了…(Do a shot every time Gary mentions Paris. Dead by alcohol in 15 minutes I'd say.)

Azevezdez(巴黎球迷):阿森纳>曼联>巴黎>雷恩>阿森纳,终于能闭环啦!(Arsenal > United > PSG > Rennes > Arsenal. The circle is complete.)

Mhaydar(曼联球迷):现在有个新规则,就是如果球员犯规侵犯的对象原谅了他,就可以不用给黄牌了。(New football rule: if the player you tackle forgives you, you don't get a yellow.)

ajn789(利物浦球迷):这场的主裁Moss实在是太胖了,所以懒得把手伸进口袋里去把黄牌掏出来!(Jon Moss so fat he doesn't want to reach into his pockets to give obvious yellow cards.)

RyanRyan_(利物浦球迷):Moss一定希望自己的名字也能出现在换人牌上!(Moss hoping his number comes up on the sub board.)

(那Moss这不就是叛逃了?)

Thedrog(切尔西球迷):刚刚才查明白,德赫亚其实分身去拦住了一支从印度射往巴基斯坦的导弹,阻止了一场战争的发生,以至于顾不上去给曼联守门啦!(Last I checked, according to United fans David De Gea stopped a missile from India to Pakistan to stop a war from happening。 So he didn’t have time to save for united.)

菲米马内进球,利物浦4-2伯恩利

244466666(英格兰球迷):刚刚低头3秒钟去给薯片蘸点酱,结果抬头一看比分就是2-1了?(Look down at my plate for three seconds to dip my chip in my tartar sauce and it’s 2-1 ffs.)

amart99(利物浦球迷):当马内没时间思考的时候,才是踢得最好的时候…(Mane is the best when he doesn't have time to think.)

Rookwood_(南安普顿球迷):竟然还能有为利物浦赢球而感到高兴的时候…毕竟我们需要伯恩利来给我们殿后…(Finally a game where I can enjoy liverpool winning, we need burnley to go down this season.)

Nmtaor1(南安普顿球迷):蹲了几年监狱刚刚放出来,终于又见到了熟悉的球员们,不过我们为啥改名叫利物浦了?(Just leased from jail to have a chance to see my players after these years. But why do we call Liverpool now?)

阿扎尔进球,切尔西1-1狼队

L_CRF 6 points(未知主队球迷):扛着球队走了这么多年,阿扎尔的肩膀不会痛吗?(How Hazard shoulders arent hurt after so many years carrying this team?)

HypahCS(切尔西球迷):伊瓜因在场上难道就只是在想晚饭吃什么吗?(Honestly what Higuain did on pitch is thinking about what’s for dinner…)

Imtomyyy(阿森纳球迷):每次我看切尔西比赛一眼,他们就会进球…(every single time i open chelsea stream they score…)

DeGress90(切尔西球迷):唉,要是我们踢曼城的时候你也来看看该多好!(Pity that you didn’t watch us against city.)

(图):知道下边这俩哥们是谁的,请自觉写检讨

tenacious20(未知主队球迷):要是狼队每一轮都能踢排名前6的球队,那现在他们肯定排在前4了…(If wolves play against the top 6 every week they will be in the top 4.)

Josephzz(未知主队球迷):如果狼队每一轮只能踢倒数6名的球队,那应该第一轮就提前降级了…(If wolves play against the bottom 6 every week they will relegate in the beginning.)

继续领跑,曼城3-1沃特福德

unglaubich_dich(利物浦球迷):大卫-席尔瓦是不是植发啦?还以为他的发型要和瓜瓜一样了呢!(Has David Silva had a hair transplant? I thought he was going bald like Pep.)

奔马进球,皇马4-1巴拉多利德

biswajeet116(未知主队球迷):本泽马这赛季的总进球数,好像已经超过C罗了…(Benzema now has more goals than CR this season in all competition.)

Ggamblr(皇马球迷):血魔法确实来了,连卡塞米罗都得了张红牌…(Black magic completely come. Casemiro got a red.)

Ugotbaited(皇马球迷):快停手啊,省点进球留给下一场用吧…(Pls stop we need to save some goals for next game.)

Juicestation(西班牙球迷):哈哈,下次我们就把卫星发射到天上,然后再让球员们瞄准了去射!(Lmao next time we want to send satellites into space just ask the lad to kick it there.)

Exzibit21(皇马球迷):我们已经很努力地去输球了,可就是输球未遂…(we tried our best to lose but it just wouldn't happen.)

梅西苏神皮克进球,巴萨3-1巴列卡诺

Wguid(未知主队球迷):巴萨为啥总是能散着步就把球给弄到对方门里去了…(The thing about this Barcelona team is that they always try to walk it in.)

Nonachalantly(巴萨球迷):这赛季皮克的进球数怕是能跟库蒂尼奥打个平手了…(I think Pique and Coutinho might be tied on goals this season.)

Sagan0823(未知主队球迷):现在拉莫斯的联赛进球数也只比贝尔少一个而已!(And Ramos has scored 1 less than Bale in league-games).

(图):猜猜这座足球场位于我国哪座城市?

好了,亲爱的小伙伴们,本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了。让我们拭目以待,来看下期歪果仁们更加精彩的犀利吐槽吧!

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